Reflections on Mother's Day

Brian pointed out to me this morning that this was my fourth mother's day as a mom. Wow! I actually have one kid per year too. It was very cute. He got me a card from each girl so I had 5 cards to open this morning. He learned his lesson after I was so sad about not getting any birthday cards.

I am currently spending my Mother's Day at Panera so I can enjoy some quiet and get some work done. Seems kind of strange to me, almost like I should want to spend the day with the girls enjoying being a mom, but after this morning full of cranky, crabby, and wild girls, I was all too ready to escape.

This leads me to the current dilema or confusion I have been having. I love my girls more than anything and I still smile when they smile. I love doing things with them like playing in the yard or singing "Wheels on the Bus." I don't love being with them all of the time though. I miss work. I miss being around adults, and I miss feeling like there is more to me than being mommy. I know I am fortunate that I can work from home and that I can be with them, but sometimes I want more. Does this make me selfish? Maybe. Does this make me wise? Maybe. Does this make me a bad mom? I don't think so.

I will continue to grapple with this I know for a long time. Where is the line between me and being a mom? How much do I have to give of myself or better yet, how much am I allowed to take for myself? I will let you know when I figure out the answer.

On a lighter note though, here are the things I love most about my girls:

Anna--so funny, so bright, so imaginative, so creative, knows her own mind

Sarah--so goofy, so quick to laugh, so loving

Lucy--can be so silly, yet so serious, loves to read, makes the funniest faces, knows what she wants and will get it

Emily--so sweet, smiles so easily, tries so hard to keep up with her sisters, so cuddly

A year Later

Now (above)
Then (below)

So I took a year off from blogging, but am feeling compelled to write again. Not so much about the girls and what they are doing, although that is extrememly fascinating, but more about me and how I am doing. Not in a selfish way, but in a way that gives me time and space to think about this crazy life I am living. In the meantime though, I would like to recap the last year.

As you can see from the pictures they have all grown--A LOT! Sarah and Lucy are walking and most of the time running all over the place. Emily is catching up and her PT seems to be helping. Even though she doesn't walk she gets around just fine and is quite the climber.

Anna is even more like herself--I think that is the best way to put it. She is funny, sweet, dramatic, emotional, silly, attention seeking, demanding, bosy, helpful, and fun. She only wants to wear dresses now and loves all things girly. At the same time though she plays in the dirt. She has quite the imagination.

Now for me...a year ago my mom was getting ready to leave and I was faced with this new life on my own. I was scared and sad, but trying to be greatful for all that we had. I knew I wanted to graduate at some point, but it seemed more and more like a pipedream. I put on a good face, few people knew how out of control life seemed for me. It wasn't like I was never happy, I just felt so stuck.

Fast forward to now. I am tired and exhausted and often frustrated, but I am also enjoying my girls. I have started work on my dissertation and have loved meeting other moms who had preemies and multiples. I still teach online and will be teaching one class in the fall. I have good and bad days, but overall I have come to see this as my/our life. Very rarely do I go back and imagine how things could have been. Instead I marvel at how things are. I have learned that I have to get away to do my best work as well as for my own sanity. I am just not one of those moms who can be home all day every day.

I have thought a lot the last year and learned a lot and heard a lot from others, and that is why I want to blog, so I can share that.

Congratulations Rebekah

This week was a milestone for us. We went, all six of us, to our first party. Our good friend, and Emily's godmother is graduating from Purdue. First let me say that I am so impressed that she finished and finished on time. She is one of the only people from our class to do this. I also have to say that I am jealous that she is done. She is serving as an inspiration to me to just keep plodding ahead. I have to believe that one day I too will walking across that stage.

Anyways, her advisor Robin through a party on Saturday and we decided it would be a good way to get out of the house. Anna was so excited about going to the party and she got to wear her new white shoes so she was set. It is hard to explain, but it was sort of surreal to be there. Up until this point, our social times have been with close family and friends. There were a lot of people I didn't know well there, and I saw how crazy our life truly looks to the rest of the world. I mean honestly, how many people have four children two and under by the time they are 28? It was nice to have lots of willing arms to hold the babies and Anna reveled being the center of attention. She also ate about an entire bowl of dip and discovered that she loves guacamole.

So all in all, it was a good day. It's nice to know that we can do some sort of normal things, as long as people are willing for us to lug our crew along. So once again, congratulations Bekah!

No More Newborn

Today is a bittersweet day for me. We used our last new born diapers and now everyone has moved to size 1 (Lucy has been in size 1 for about week. It was getting pretty hard to squeeze her into the newborns). I know this seems like a silly thing to be sentimental about, but it is amazing to me how big they are getting. I keep thinking back to when they were just three pounds, and it was hard to imagine them as just normal, healthy babies. Emily still seems to tiny to me, but that is probably just in comparison to the others.

I am also sad today because my mom is leaving. I think I was in denial for awhile. I know we'll make it, it's just a matter of how crazy things get.

Doctor, Doctor, Doctor

The last two days have been a little crazy around here. It started yesterday when I took Lucy to the doctor because her eye was seeping. I had been treating it with some eye drops, but it wasn't clearing up. It turns out she had another ear infection, so she is now on another antibiotic. Good thing her eye was seeping or I would have never known.

Then this morning around 10 o'clock I heard Anna coughing and I discovered that she was in the process of swallowing a nickel. I called the doctor to make sure that was okay, and as long as it passes within the next two days, we're fine. If not she'll need x-rays. A few hours later I thought that Emily was acting lethargic so I called the doctor to make an appointment for her. It turns out she is just fine. I am probably just paraniod, but everyone at the office knows us quite well now.

Tonight everyone seems healthy and are cranky, but no more than normal. Hopefully we can all stay healthy because Grandma leaves on Saturday. The above picture is Emily on her way to the doctor. It was my first time out with just her, which was kind of nice, even if it was to the doctor's.

I started a Blog

All through my bedrest I spent my time checking other mom's blogs as a way to pass the time and to learn about life with triplets. I decided to start my own as a way for people to check and see what life is like in our house with 4 girls 2 and under. This pictures is one of the only ones we have with all four. Anna tends to be all over the place during pictures.